Post by Kurt Newman on Apr 27, 2016 1:23:12 GMT
(Oh yeah......right there. My God I'm in heaven right now......mmmmmmmm fuck yeah.......wait......you guys can hear this can you? Damn it, ok, ok, ok. This is not what it reads like. I'm getting a massage at this Japanese place and she's standing on top of me. Painful but feels so good at the same time.)
(I forgot that the narrators got their asses kicked the last time I did a promo. Now I have to narrate my own crappy promos now until they get out of the hospital. Well I won't be explaining to much, mostly just going to be me talking and making up for my last promo since I really didn't smack talk to much. So let's get this over with, I get a complimentary happy ending after she gets done and let me tell you......I need it because Kurt Jr.....aka my penis......needs some relief.)
KN: "Hey there friendos! Kurt Newman here, representing The One Percent of PW:U and the Wrestling Kingdom of NJFC. You know this tag team tournament is right around the corner and I'm getting an excitement boner just thinking about it.
Some of these teams I'm hoping to face in this tournament because in my opinion......they are the best of the best. Teams like Kashville, Wildlin, The Davidsons....... These guys and gals are worthy of my time and effort and I know that they are going to put on one hell of a show because they have done it time and time again in their companies.
Then there are other teams that I have no idea why you're even here and wasting everyone else's time. Teams like Worlds Most Dangerous, Double Entendres, and the Assisians......you're not going to win because you just don't have what it takes to be a true winner. Sure.....you might had been something in the middle of nowhere Montana wrestling in the bingo halls with a crowd of 50.......the problem is that you never faced off against anyone of true talent. You're not going to be facing off against guys with only 3 months of wrestling training. You're not going to face off against a gimmick wrestler who doesn't know the difference between a wrist lock and a wrist watch. This is the big leagues now folks and you will be star struck as you make your way towards the arena and see thousands upon thousands of eyes staring back at you.
At the end of the day, all these teams in this tournament will run their mouths.....lying through their teeth and telling you lie after lie after lie of how great they are. They are going to try to convince you that they are the team to beat and that they are the only ones with the skills and the composure to survive this tag team tournament. Look past their eyes ladies and gentlemen and look into their souls because that's where their true selves are at. They have no idea if they are going to survive or not.
I'll tell you right now the gods honest truth right now. No bells or whistles or magic phrases to make you believe in what I'm saying. I can't promise you that Stefan and myself will make it to the finals in this tournament. I can't promise you that we'll be able to get those NJFC tag team titles. I can't promise you anything because nothing is ever 100 percent when it comes to the world of wrestling. You can be the best of the best. The strongest of the strong. Quicker than the rest of the roster. You can be a god in that ring and yet one wrong step. One wrong turn. One wrong thought and it can be over......just like that."
(I quickly raise my hand and snap my fingers.)
KN: "All your hopes, all your dreams, all your preparation.....up in smoke. And after the smoke is clear and you wipe off the cobwebs from the inside of your skull......and after you realize that everything that you had......your pride, honor, and determination......they've all left with the winner of the match.....and the only thing you have left with you are the words and the promises that you've made to the fans and the wrestlers in the back. The same words that you spread through out the arena week after week.....day after day about how great you are......and yet you lost.
Once a king in your own kingdom......now buried in the words that just never came true.
The only thing I can promise you is that we're going to give it our all. We're going to go down to that ring and lay everything out in that ring. Our blood, or hearts and our souls....we will pour it out and show everyone that we are the one percent of wrestling. The one percent that will put in the time to be the best of the best. The one percent that that will go that extra mile to make their matches not just another average match. The one percent in wrestling that will dig deep into the deepest of the deep in their souls to keep on going and to keep on fighting. That right there......is a promise that we can keep."
Stefan Lajoie: "Good promo man."
(Horrified and confused, I look over my shoulder and see my tag team partner standing on top of me and giving me a massage with his feet.)
KN: "Stefan?"
SL: "Kurt!"
KN: "What happen to the hot Asian with the double d's that was standing on my back before?"
SL: "I'm your tag team partner and his is what we do for one another. I scratch your back and I step on yours."
(He has a point. So shrugging my shoulders and I lay back down on the table so that Stefan can finish his massage. With that, the scene ends.)
(I forgot that the narrators got their asses kicked the last time I did a promo. Now I have to narrate my own crappy promos now until they get out of the hospital. Well I won't be explaining to much, mostly just going to be me talking and making up for my last promo since I really didn't smack talk to much. So let's get this over with, I get a complimentary happy ending after she gets done and let me tell you......I need it because Kurt Jr.....aka my penis......needs some relief.)
KN: "Hey there friendos! Kurt Newman here, representing The One Percent of PW:U and the Wrestling Kingdom of NJFC. You know this tag team tournament is right around the corner and I'm getting an excitement boner just thinking about it.
Some of these teams I'm hoping to face in this tournament because in my opinion......they are the best of the best. Teams like Kashville, Wildlin, The Davidsons....... These guys and gals are worthy of my time and effort and I know that they are going to put on one hell of a show because they have done it time and time again in their companies.
Then there are other teams that I have no idea why you're even here and wasting everyone else's time. Teams like Worlds Most Dangerous, Double Entendres, and the Assisians......you're not going to win because you just don't have what it takes to be a true winner. Sure.....you might had been something in the middle of nowhere Montana wrestling in the bingo halls with a crowd of 50.......the problem is that you never faced off against anyone of true talent. You're not going to be facing off against guys with only 3 months of wrestling training. You're not going to face off against a gimmick wrestler who doesn't know the difference between a wrist lock and a wrist watch. This is the big leagues now folks and you will be star struck as you make your way towards the arena and see thousands upon thousands of eyes staring back at you.
At the end of the day, all these teams in this tournament will run their mouths.....lying through their teeth and telling you lie after lie after lie of how great they are. They are going to try to convince you that they are the team to beat and that they are the only ones with the skills and the composure to survive this tag team tournament. Look past their eyes ladies and gentlemen and look into their souls because that's where their true selves are at. They have no idea if they are going to survive or not.
I'll tell you right now the gods honest truth right now. No bells or whistles or magic phrases to make you believe in what I'm saying. I can't promise you that Stefan and myself will make it to the finals in this tournament. I can't promise you that we'll be able to get those NJFC tag team titles. I can't promise you anything because nothing is ever 100 percent when it comes to the world of wrestling. You can be the best of the best. The strongest of the strong. Quicker than the rest of the roster. You can be a god in that ring and yet one wrong step. One wrong turn. One wrong thought and it can be over......just like that."
(I quickly raise my hand and snap my fingers.)
KN: "All your hopes, all your dreams, all your preparation.....up in smoke. And after the smoke is clear and you wipe off the cobwebs from the inside of your skull......and after you realize that everything that you had......your pride, honor, and determination......they've all left with the winner of the match.....and the only thing you have left with you are the words and the promises that you've made to the fans and the wrestlers in the back. The same words that you spread through out the arena week after week.....day after day about how great you are......and yet you lost.
Once a king in your own kingdom......now buried in the words that just never came true.
The only thing I can promise you is that we're going to give it our all. We're going to go down to that ring and lay everything out in that ring. Our blood, or hearts and our souls....we will pour it out and show everyone that we are the one percent of wrestling. The one percent that will put in the time to be the best of the best. The one percent that that will go that extra mile to make their matches not just another average match. The one percent in wrestling that will dig deep into the deepest of the deep in their souls to keep on going and to keep on fighting. That right there......is a promise that we can keep."
Stefan Lajoie: "Good promo man."
(Horrified and confused, I look over my shoulder and see my tag team partner standing on top of me and giving me a massage with his feet.)
KN: "Stefan?"
SL: "Kurt!"
KN: "What happen to the hot Asian with the double d's that was standing on my back before?"
SL: "I'm your tag team partner and his is what we do for one another. I scratch your back and I step on yours."
(He has a point. So shrugging my shoulders and I lay back down on the table so that Stefan can finish his massage. With that, the scene ends.)
