Post by stefanlajoie on Apr 27, 2016 5:34:14 GMT
Stefan Lajoie, a young man with a rather unique metaphorical chip on his shoulder, is seen passing by the NJFC arena a few days before the upcoming event: Tag Team Tropolis. Stefan, his hair cut a little shorter than anyone would be immediately familiar with, and his style adjusted to be a touch more formal, stops and pulls up to the two incredibly cute food stands outside the arena.
One is a lemonade stand, and the other is a donut stand. The lemonade stand is, of course, run by a six year old on his parents $10 bill, and the donut stand looks to be a pair of teenage girls and their grandfather, who is showing them how to “properly” fry donuts.
Stefan checks his phone and sees the alert: One New Message -> Kurt Newman.
Stefan opens it up and the message reads: “Strawberry frosting and cream filling for me, thanks bro.”
Stefan shakes his head and laughs. He then approaches the donut stand and one of the teenage girls, Stefan guesstimates probably at the age of 19, walks to the register.
Stefan: Hey… Emily?
Emily: Hi! How can I serve you today?
Stefans inner voice tells him not to say “On Your Knees” as he places his order to the girl who is using her assets to sell donuts.
Stefan: My good-buddy Kurt wants a strawberry frosted with cream filling, I’ll take an old fashioned, and please throw on a box of munchkins or minis or whatever you’re calling them here.
Emily: Okay so we got the strawberry creampie, the--
Did she just call it the strawberry creampie? No, that can’t be right…
Emily: The old fashioned, and a whole box of tits.
Did she just call the holes tits?
Emily: Sorry, tots, I keep looking at the word track and I always misread it when cute guys come up. That last guy was a doozey, and now you, just, wow. Here for the show?
Stefan smirks.
Stefan: I’m part of the show.
Emily: So was that guy, he said. It’ll be $10, mister!
Stefan gives Emily a 20 and tells her to keep the change. Transaction runs as usual as he tries to forget how embarrassing that must’ve been for the poor girl.
His phone beeps to the tune of “Shoop” by Salt and Peppa, Kurt’s tone. Message reads: “Did she say it, did she say it?”
Stefan responds: “You knew, didn’t you?”
Kurt Newman: “No, I would never check out the itty bitty titty club as they serve me hot fresh donuts. That’s so uncharacteristic of me. You ready?”
Stefan responds: “Be there in five. Let me hit this promo for a second.”
Kurt Newman: “kk bro”
Stefan locks his phone and puts it in his pocket. Stefan looks at the child serving lemonade, who is looking sad.
Stefan approaches the child, slipping a $20 out of his pocket outside of his view.
Stefan: What’s wrong buddy?
Billy: Some guys said my lemonade was bad.
Stefan takes a sip of lemonade, quietly dropping the $20 on the childs counter as he drinks.
Stefan: Pretty good. What’d they say?
Billy, sheepishly, looks at Stefan and hesitates.
Billy: They said it tastes like --------------urine.
Stefan: Who are they and where can I find them?
Billy: Their jacket said Double En-ten-dres.
Cute kid, speaking phonetically
.
Stefan: Well, buddy, they are wrong. Don’t let them bother you. Just keep up the hard work, okay?
Billy the kid notices the $20 on his lemonade stand and lets out a big yell.
Billy: THANKS MISTER!
Billy does a Shultz inspired dance as Stefan walks away, the camera tagging along behind him.
Stefan: So, apparently, Double Entendres don’t like kids, supporting local business, or, you know, being decent human beings. That’s all well and good, more power to them if they want to, you know, be assholes, but if I have any flaws, it’s this: you don’t mess with a kid trying to run a lemonade stand. Today is not the day for that, and in my book, no day ever will be. Let me break it down for you: I’m Stefan Lajoie, one half of the One Percent, and tonight, the Double Entendres biggest challenge, is myself and Kurt Newman. See, this may seem like a really strange place to run a promo, but lets be real: what’s actually more appealing, a guy who tries to connect with his audience, or some folks who just wanna make jokes and look funny? Double Entendres? Kurt Newman and I bang those out every hour. I can’t tell you the last time Kurt Newman and I were going at it, taking those on one by one, until both of us were satisfied and smiling.
Stefan laughs at his own joke.
Stefan: See, I can make jokes too. But, here’s my main point, guys. You’re in a tag team tournament where you have no footing, you have no leverage, and you have no depth of experience. And, in wrestling or in double entendres, you need all three to know how to deliver. And if there’s any two people who know how to deliver the business in this business, it’s Kurt Newman and myself. We hit them hard, we hit them fast, and we don’t waste any time. Some say we’re just too quick, gone, over in a flash. Well you know what? I’d rather be done quickly with a win in my pocket and on the record sheet than flat on my back like the Double Entendres will be all night.
Stefan shakes his head and laughs once again.
Stefan: See you in the ring, Double Entendres. And honestly, both Kurt and I hope you don’t choke when you get there.
Stefan gets back in his car and finishes his drive to the arena as the screen fades to black.
