Post by wwjbcd on Feb 23, 2016 5:19:32 GMT
Let's cut to the chase, folks. We're days away from the biggest event of the year in the NJFC, Stardom, a bold statement, considering it's still February. One could suppose this one event will set the tone for the remainder of the season. What amazing feats unfold Saturday night will simply make everyone have to work double time to beat their high scores, so to speak. Placing their version of the Super Bowl so early on in the year shows how confident they are in their established stars and guests. And in that analogy lies the fact that the Super Bowl indeed occurs early on in the year itself!
So how will Stardom beat out Global Takeover, already a spectacular event in and of itself? They flew boldly out of the gate by putting their newest Global Champion, an EWC visitor in Canada's Greatest Athlete Johnny Bonecrusher, on the poster big-time! Their faith in him was surely cemented when he, seemingly on a whim, entered the Global Takeover Pay-Per-View, single-handedly tossed out more opponents than anyone else, and won it all to top it all off! Then The Johnny agreed to immediately defend his new-found title against the man who's been waiting for many months now in order to get his shot at what is now Johnny's.
Stefan Raab. The Iceman. A good guy. An older German fellow who started out in this business late in his life. Pro wrestling's not an old man's game, so when someone has that desire, that should give one pause. All these things aren't lost on the younger and more experienced Johnny Bonecrusher. Who wants it more? Who can go the distance? Who wanted to see an almost 40-year-old and almost 50-year-old struggle to climb up a ladder for fuck's sake?
Oh... sorry... I did say "Let's cut to the chase," didn't I?
So today, our scene isn't overly complex, just a humble bachelor suite, quite small and a bit messy. A toilet flush is heard, and moments later, out walks none other than Al Bundy. The audience cheers, and-
No, it's actually Johnny Bonecrusher, sorry.
Anyway, he sits down on his couch and sighs as he rests his chin on his hand.
"You know, ladies and gentlemen, The Johnny ought to be on Cloud Nine right about now. He's turned his luck around, he acquired some gold, made some friends and enemies, why, it's almost like I'm a professional wrestler! But seriously, something's missing, and I don't mean my Global Championship. I mean, I am missing that, but that's not what I mean. There's a certain je ne sais quois missing, going into the mega-show that is Stardom."
Johnny looks off in the distance, lost in thought. He strokes his chin a few times before his eyes light up and he snaps his fingers.
"I got it! My opponent isn't a dick! See, Yours Truly's got words for days, ask anyone, but if I can't talk some trash, then I'm lost. What can I say about someone I respect who also respects me? I caught what Mr. Raab said, and between the both of us, it was a diplomatically-sound ego-stroke-fest! 'You're cool, no you're cool, I hope I win, yeah, well, I hope I win!' What am I supposed to do with that?!"
Johnny closes his eyes and has a pained expression on his face.
"To that end, Iceman, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, but The Johnny's gotta shift gears here. I'm gonna pretend, just pretend, mind you, that you're some run-of-the-mill asshole, not unlike Jerk Newman."
Johnny sits up straight, clears his throat, and looks intensely into the camera, whose presence is never explained. What's their deal anyway? Did they break in and he's just going with it?
"Iceman, you act all cool, try to keep things chill, but you don't have a snowball's chance in Hell of icin' me, jack! I'm hot, buddy, I'm downright nuclear! If you're liquid nitrogen, I'm the centre of the Sun! If you're Pluto, Stefan, I'm Betelgeuse, Betelgeuse, Betelgeuse! Are you tired of my puns yet, Mr. Raab? Well, I'm not, and I won't stop, I'll keep coming at you and keep coming at you and keep coming at you until you've been downgraded to flurries!"
Johnny's getting excited, so he gets up, talking with his hands, all that jazz.
"Because in the end, we're not going out there to be nice to each other, and you know it! We're out there to win, and in the confines - or lack thereof, really - of a Ladder Match, it's going to many things, but nice ain't one of them! I'm going to hit you with that ladder, try to knock you out with it, and when you're down and out, I'm going to use that very same ladder to go fetch my Global Championship.
Then fly back here, have a nice sleep, wake up, have a strong cup of coffee, some bacon and eggs, buy a glass case for my successfully-defended title, play some video games, consider doing some calisthenics, oh, and of course, mount your head over the fireplace!
Ha ha ha, I'm just playin', Stefan, I don't even have a fireplace!"
The Johnny chuckles a bit before suddenly changing gears once more.
"Lemme make one thing... PERFECTLY CLEAR, RAAB:"
He exclaims as he points right at the camera.
"You deserve this shot, that's true, but just because you deserve something doesn't mean you get it in the end. And you ain't gettin' my Global title, because you only deserve the chance to win it, meanwhile I deserve to actually own it! I personally crushed three other folks' dreams and ultimately ruined everyone else's chances at greatness at Global Takeover, and at Stardom, I'm gonna do it all over again, only bigger and better than last time! Raab, like The Highlanders say, 'There can be only one!', and you, my friend, ain't it. Johnny Bonecrusher, son!"
And with that, the scene comes to an end with a closeup.
So how will Stardom beat out Global Takeover, already a spectacular event in and of itself? They flew boldly out of the gate by putting their newest Global Champion, an EWC visitor in Canada's Greatest Athlete Johnny Bonecrusher, on the poster big-time! Their faith in him was surely cemented when he, seemingly on a whim, entered the Global Takeover Pay-Per-View, single-handedly tossed out more opponents than anyone else, and won it all to top it all off! Then The Johnny agreed to immediately defend his new-found title against the man who's been waiting for many months now in order to get his shot at what is now Johnny's.
Stefan Raab. The Iceman. A good guy. An older German fellow who started out in this business late in his life. Pro wrestling's not an old man's game, so when someone has that desire, that should give one pause. All these things aren't lost on the younger and more experienced Johnny Bonecrusher. Who wants it more? Who can go the distance? Who wanted to see an almost 40-year-old and almost 50-year-old struggle to climb up a ladder for fuck's sake?
Oh... sorry... I did say "Let's cut to the chase," didn't I?
So today, our scene isn't overly complex, just a humble bachelor suite, quite small and a bit messy. A toilet flush is heard, and moments later, out walks none other than Al Bundy. The audience cheers, and-
No, it's actually Johnny Bonecrusher, sorry.
Anyway, he sits down on his couch and sighs as he rests his chin on his hand.
"You know, ladies and gentlemen, The Johnny ought to be on Cloud Nine right about now. He's turned his luck around, he acquired some gold, made some friends and enemies, why, it's almost like I'm a professional wrestler! But seriously, something's missing, and I don't mean my Global Championship. I mean, I am missing that, but that's not what I mean. There's a certain je ne sais quois missing, going into the mega-show that is Stardom."
Johnny looks off in the distance, lost in thought. He strokes his chin a few times before his eyes light up and he snaps his fingers.
"I got it! My opponent isn't a dick! See, Yours Truly's got words for days, ask anyone, but if I can't talk some trash, then I'm lost. What can I say about someone I respect who also respects me? I caught what Mr. Raab said, and between the both of us, it was a diplomatically-sound ego-stroke-fest! 'You're cool, no you're cool, I hope I win, yeah, well, I hope I win!' What am I supposed to do with that?!"
Johnny closes his eyes and has a pained expression on his face.
"To that end, Iceman, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, but The Johnny's gotta shift gears here. I'm gonna pretend, just pretend, mind you, that you're some run-of-the-mill asshole, not unlike Jerk Newman."
Johnny sits up straight, clears his throat, and looks intensely into the camera, whose presence is never explained. What's their deal anyway? Did they break in and he's just going with it?
"Iceman, you act all cool, try to keep things chill, but you don't have a snowball's chance in Hell of icin' me, jack! I'm hot, buddy, I'm downright nuclear! If you're liquid nitrogen, I'm the centre of the Sun! If you're Pluto, Stefan, I'm Betelgeuse, Betelgeuse, Betelgeuse! Are you tired of my puns yet, Mr. Raab? Well, I'm not, and I won't stop, I'll keep coming at you and keep coming at you and keep coming at you until you've been downgraded to flurries!"
Johnny's getting excited, so he gets up, talking with his hands, all that jazz.
"Because in the end, we're not going out there to be nice to each other, and you know it! We're out there to win, and in the confines - or lack thereof, really - of a Ladder Match, it's going to many things, but nice ain't one of them! I'm going to hit you with that ladder, try to knock you out with it, and when you're down and out, I'm going to use that very same ladder to go fetch my Global Championship.
Then fly back here, have a nice sleep, wake up, have a strong cup of coffee, some bacon and eggs, buy a glass case for my successfully-defended title, play some video games, consider doing some calisthenics, oh, and of course, mount your head over the fireplace!
Ha ha ha, I'm just playin', Stefan, I don't even have a fireplace!"
The Johnny chuckles a bit before suddenly changing gears once more.
"Lemme make one thing... PERFECTLY CLEAR, RAAB:"
He exclaims as he points right at the camera.
"You deserve this shot, that's true, but just because you deserve something doesn't mean you get it in the end. And you ain't gettin' my Global title, because you only deserve the chance to win it, meanwhile I deserve to actually own it! I personally crushed three other folks' dreams and ultimately ruined everyone else's chances at greatness at Global Takeover, and at Stardom, I'm gonna do it all over again, only bigger and better than last time! Raab, like The Highlanders say, 'There can be only one!', and you, my friend, ain't it. Johnny Bonecrusher, son!"
And with that, the scene comes to an end with a closeup.