Post by wwjbcd on Apr 17, 2016 0:48:36 GMT
It seems like only a few minutes ago that Canada's Greatest Athlete and The Portland Madman were on some radio show in Sheboygan, Wisconsin.
And that's because it was!
"Okay, we're back from those inane commercials that pay our bills!"
"And we're still with The Pacific Wrecking Crew, Johnny and Maxwell, and we're about to discuss the rest of the tournament."
Johnny is back up in his chair, but he looks fairly annoyed. The bandages on his head (Yes, he had bandages this whole time from the aforementioned incident at the CWT's inaugural show for their first-ever tour. Thanks, Jean-Paul!) seem to have some fresh blood on the back of them, surely an aggravation of his injuries (Thanks, Maxwell!).
"Are you sure you can go on, The Johnny?"
"Yes, I can go on!"
His irritated response causes him to wince in pain.
"And don't you jamokes worry; Yours Truly's gonna be in tip top shape for TTT, trust me!"
"Well, that's good to hear! Anyway, let's move on. Let's discuss your potential opponents, should you get passed WildLin-"
"If we get passed them? If we get passed them?! You lissen here, Lanky Dean, 'if' ain't even in our vocabulary!"
"We don't operate in possibilities, only in definites; we either do, or we do! The Pain Train's not gonna stop until all our passengers... make that victims... are strapped in and powerless, powerless!, in stopping us from arriving at Grand Central Station, i.e.: the Global Puroresu Crown Tag-Team Championships! I've led men to tag-team glory on more than one occasion, and this ain't gonna be aaaaany different, Lankster."
Lanky Dean nods in approval, then looks over at Big-Boned Barry, who is also nodding in approval.
"Okay, well, when you defeat WildLin, let's say, you've got 22 other teams you might cross paths with. Would you like to do some word association with them?"
Johnny shrugs, then Schneider apes his manager's gesture.
"Sure, why not?"
"Why not?"
Johnny glares at Schneider, who looks on at the radio pair with anticipation.
"Well, we've got the first team to sign up, Timeus Mortum-"
"Oh, Jesus Christ."
"-from 4CW-"
"Figures."
"Well, any thoughts on them?"
"I don't speak Latin, 3B."
"O-okay, well, then there's Double Entendres from IXWA."
"Ix-wah."
"One of them's called Mike Hunt. Get it? Mike Hunt? I'm surprised his partner's not called York Hawk."
"I don't get it."
"Mm, well, anyway, there's The New Paradigm who are representing Boardwalk Wrestling."
"That's the team with Suh-tee-vuh Ne-vah-eugh in it, right? I'd actually like to see them move on just so I can grind her face into the mat. She thinks, she really thinks that she drove me out of 4CW. Her and her little clique were insufferable slime, but in tha climate, there was no way they'd let me outta there alive if I broke her. Here in New Japan, all bets are off... unless they're the ones where you bet on Maxie and Yours Truly to win the whole damn thing, then in that case, let it raaaaaain!"
Lanky Dean and 3B are a bit confused, and look at Schneider for some answers.
"I dunno either."
"Moving along then! There's the WMD, the World's Most Dangerous. They're representing Giant of Africa Championship Wrestling."
"Hey, that's one of our sister promotions, isn't it? But I'm confused about something here."
"What're you confused with, John-John?"
"Well, 3B just said the 'World's Most Dangerous', but I'm pretty sure that's us, so... And we're not even in GACW to begin with!"
3B shakes his head; him and Lanky Dean are going to be hard-pressed to get some real answers reliably.
"There's, uh, Bloody Best Friends representing Monarchy Wrestling."
"That sounds like us too!"
"Nope."
"Th-that's it? Okay, umm, well, how about The Usual Rudos? You know them from CWT!"
"Yeah, and they're not even representing CWT, are they? Pollomania & Guerreros of Lucha only, folks!"
"You're not representing EWC or CWT either..."
Johnny looks incredulously at his ever-contradicting lunatic of a partner.
"I-I assume we're moving on again. We've got, oh boy, the uh, The French Mime Assassins, from Wrestling Gladiator Champions."
JBC rolls his eyes and sighs audibly.
"You know what 'comme ci, comme ça' even means?"
"Uh, no, we're from Wisconsin."
The Johnny shakes his head in disgust.
"It means 'so-so'! It means 'so-so'. But you know what? The Johnny ain't no idiot, Lankster. I see what Francis Ford Cuppola's up to. Using mimes for his own evil machinations? Blatantly referring to them as mediocre?! Noooo, this guy's got something up his sleeve, and we'll be sure to work those guys over so bad they'll scream for the first time in their lives!"
"Wow. That was almost a valid observation!"
"What was that?"
"N-nothing- oh, hey, next we've got... oh boy."
"Oh boy again?"
"Oh boy again. The One Percent, Kurt Newman and Stefan Lajoie."
The Johnny's eyes go wide at the sound of his hated enemy's name.
"Stuff Stefan in a sack for a sec! Let's talk about Kurt Newman! I was right about you, Newman! I knew what you were all about from the get-go! Now you've aligned with those jabronis in The Wrestling Kingdom, a group so not amazing that they only sent you out to represent them. Is that teamwork? Can someone tell me if that's teamwork?"
"That doesn't sound like teamwork to me, John-John."
"Looks to me like they sent Newman out to make some sorta point. Now the last time we went one-on-one, I showed him what I was made of."
"You went to a draw."
"I'm the Global Champion still, aren't I?! This time around, if our paths cross, I'm finishing the job I started on that devious dick!"
"Gotta stop you there! We have more from The Pacific Wrecking Crew still to come, but we've got to take yet another unnecessary break to sell you junk you don't need!"
"Folks, do you have a hard time getting those tough blood stains out of your wrestling tights?..."
And that's because it was!
"Okay, we're back from those inane commercials that pay our bills!"
"And we're still with The Pacific Wrecking Crew, Johnny and Maxwell, and we're about to discuss the rest of the tournament."
Johnny is back up in his chair, but he looks fairly annoyed. The bandages on his head (Yes, he had bandages this whole time from the aforementioned incident at the CWT's inaugural show for their first-ever tour. Thanks, Jean-Paul!) seem to have some fresh blood on the back of them, surely an aggravation of his injuries (Thanks, Maxwell!).
"Are you sure you can go on, The Johnny?"
"Yes, I can go on!"
His irritated response causes him to wince in pain.
"And don't you jamokes worry; Yours Truly's gonna be in tip top shape for TTT, trust me!"
"Well, that's good to hear! Anyway, let's move on. Let's discuss your potential opponents, should you get passed WildLin-"
"If we get passed them? If we get passed them?! You lissen here, Lanky Dean, 'if' ain't even in our vocabulary!"
"We don't operate in possibilities, only in definites; we either do, or we do! The Pain Train's not gonna stop until all our passengers... make that victims... are strapped in and powerless, powerless!, in stopping us from arriving at Grand Central Station, i.e.: the Global Puroresu Crown Tag-Team Championships! I've led men to tag-team glory on more than one occasion, and this ain't gonna be aaaaany different, Lankster."
Lanky Dean nods in approval, then looks over at Big-Boned Barry, who is also nodding in approval.
"Okay, well, when you defeat WildLin, let's say, you've got 22 other teams you might cross paths with. Would you like to do some word association with them?"
Johnny shrugs, then Schneider apes his manager's gesture.
"Sure, why not?"
"Why not?"
Johnny glares at Schneider, who looks on at the radio pair with anticipation.
"Well, we've got the first team to sign up, Timeus Mortum-"
"Oh, Jesus Christ."
"-from 4CW-"
"Figures."
"Well, any thoughts on them?"
"I don't speak Latin, 3B."
"O-okay, well, then there's Double Entendres from IXWA."
"Ix-wah."
"One of them's called Mike Hunt. Get it? Mike Hunt? I'm surprised his partner's not called York Hawk."
"I don't get it."
"Mm, well, anyway, there's The New Paradigm who are representing Boardwalk Wrestling."
"That's the team with Suh-tee-vuh Ne-vah-eugh in it, right? I'd actually like to see them move on just so I can grind her face into the mat. She thinks, she really thinks that she drove me out of 4CW. Her and her little clique were insufferable slime, but in tha climate, there was no way they'd let me outta there alive if I broke her. Here in New Japan, all bets are off... unless they're the ones where you bet on Maxie and Yours Truly to win the whole damn thing, then in that case, let it raaaaaain!"
Lanky Dean and 3B are a bit confused, and look at Schneider for some answers.
"I dunno either."
"Moving along then! There's the WMD, the World's Most Dangerous. They're representing Giant of Africa Championship Wrestling."
"Hey, that's one of our sister promotions, isn't it? But I'm confused about something here."
"What're you confused with, John-John?"
"Well, 3B just said the 'World's Most Dangerous', but I'm pretty sure that's us, so... And we're not even in GACW to begin with!"
3B shakes his head; him and Lanky Dean are going to be hard-pressed to get some real answers reliably.
"There's, uh, Bloody Best Friends representing Monarchy Wrestling."
"That sounds like us too!"
"Nope."
"Th-that's it? Okay, umm, well, how about The Usual Rudos? You know them from CWT!"
"Yeah, and they're not even representing CWT, are they? Pollomania & Guerreros of Lucha only, folks!"
"You're not representing EWC or CWT either..."
Johnny looks incredulously at his ever-contradicting lunatic of a partner.
"I-I assume we're moving on again. We've got, oh boy, the uh, The French Mime Assassins, from Wrestling Gladiator Champions."
JBC rolls his eyes and sighs audibly.
"You know what 'comme ci, comme ça' even means?"
"Uh, no, we're from Wisconsin."
The Johnny shakes his head in disgust.
"It means 'so-so'! It means 'so-so'. But you know what? The Johnny ain't no idiot, Lankster. I see what Francis Ford Cuppola's up to. Using mimes for his own evil machinations? Blatantly referring to them as mediocre?! Noooo, this guy's got something up his sleeve, and we'll be sure to work those guys over so bad they'll scream for the first time in their lives!"
"Wow. That was almost a valid observation!"
"What was that?"
"N-nothing- oh, hey, next we've got... oh boy."
"Oh boy again?"
"Oh boy again. The One Percent, Kurt Newman and Stefan Lajoie."
The Johnny's eyes go wide at the sound of his hated enemy's name.
"Stuff Stefan in a sack for a sec! Let's talk about Kurt Newman! I was right about you, Newman! I knew what you were all about from the get-go! Now you've aligned with those jabronis in The Wrestling Kingdom, a group so not amazing that they only sent you out to represent them. Is that teamwork? Can someone tell me if that's teamwork?"
"That doesn't sound like teamwork to me, John-John."
"Looks to me like they sent Newman out to make some sorta point. Now the last time we went one-on-one, I showed him what I was made of."
"You went to a draw."
"I'm the Global Champion still, aren't I?! This time around, if our paths cross, I'm finishing the job I started on that devious dick!"
"Gotta stop you there! We have more from The Pacific Wrecking Crew still to come, but we've got to take yet another unnecessary break to sell you junk you don't need!"
"Folks, do you have a hard time getting those tough blood stains out of your wrestling tights?..."
