Post by Kurt Newman on Apr 17, 2016 21:03:08 GMT
~The scene begins with Stefan Lajoie making his way into Kurt Newman's wrestling school in Chicago, Illinois. Looking around for Kurt, Stefan finds Alyssa Devine, Kurt's ring escort, sitting in a chair and reading a magazine.
SL: “You seen Kurt around?”
~Without even looking up from her magazine, Alyssa addresses Stefan.
AD: “He's been in the bathroom for the past two hours. He had some Taco Bell last night and it did a real number on his stomach.”
SL: “Gross.”
*Only thing gross around here is Stefan and that attempt of a mustache.
~With the bathroom door fully closed, Stefan looks around as though he’s trying to find something.
*Yeah, probably his man card.
SL: “That was very rude. Who said that?”
~……….he can’t be talking about us can he?
*What!?! No way this fruit loop can hear us.
SL: “I like Fruit Loops, though I’m more of a Fruity Pebbles type of guy, but I am not a Fruit Loop voice that I can’t see.”
AD: “Who are you talking to?”
~Stefan places his finger to Alyssa’s lips as he looks around the room for…..us I think. I have a bad feeling about this *. Why don’t you just apologize and maybe he won’t try to hunt us down.
*Apologize for what? The guys a joke. Why if we were face to face my Me Time Hand, it would obliterate him.
~Stefan starts to walk around the gym until he stops at a door that has a plaque on it reading……. “The Narrators Roomwhatthefuck!” He’s found us! He’s found us *! We’re so screwed. How did he find us?!? We were hidden so well.
*Don’t worry, the doors locked. Only way he’s getting in is if he finds the key that’s under the welcome mat……..shit.
~Stefan has a huge smile on his face as he bends down and finds the key under the welcome mat.
*Got to find my beating stick! Where the hell is my beating stick?
~Opening the door, Stefan enters and……..oh hey! Nice to finally meet you in persNOT THE FACE Not the face! (Sounds of someone getting punched in the face.)
*Found itaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahh! (Sounds of bones cracking.) My arm shouldn’t bend like that!
KN: “Where’s Stefan at?”
~Stepping out from the bathroom, Kurt looks around for Stefan. Please! Please no more, I wasn’t even saying anything bad about you! It was all *. I actually like you SteFAAAAAAAAN! Oh my God! I think you broke my foot!
AD: “I don’t know. He went into one of the rooms over there.”
KN: “Hmmmmm, well let’s get this promo out of the way. When Stefan comes back he can put his two cents in.”
~(Coughing up blood) Alyssa is still on the chair reading her magazine and chewing away at her gum as Kurt stands next to her. With a smile on his face, Kurt begins to talk.
KN: “Hey there friendo's! Kurt Newman here of the One Percent. You know, when NJFC started this little tag team tournament, there was a few people that I thought about teaming up with to attempt to win this tournament. But there was one guy that I wanted to team up with again just because it had been years since we last teamed up. And that man was none other than Stefan Lajoie. We were so close back in the day with PW:U that we were able to finish each others…….”
(SL: Sandwiches!)
~Sentences! Its sentences you asshOLE! My bone is sticking out!
(SL: You shouldn’t have a potty mouth like that.)
KN: “…..sentences. A phone call later and I was able to get my good buddy back in the ring with me.”
*Come on you son of a bitch, I can take more than that………..what are you doing with those pliers?.......no not the teeth. NOT THE TEETH!
KN: “Now I know that there are plenty of other teams in this tournament and we can't wait to step in the ring with you. Some of you are huge in the wrestling universe……..”
(SL: Say it!)
~I’ve been a bad, bad boy! (SPANK)
(SL: Yeah you have.)
KN: “…..and others of you we have no idea where the hell that you came from. You're going to say your stuff about how great a tag team you are and that you've done this and that you've done that. We've done our homework though and we know what we're stepping into with this tournament. Hopefully you've done the same thing when it comes to Stefan and myself because if you haven't…..you're going to be on your back before you know it.”
~Suddenly Stefan walks into the scene and stands next to Kurt with a smile on his face.
KN: “Oh hey. Where you been?”
SL: “Just saying hello to some friends.”
*Fuck you asshole!
SL: “Doing a promo?”
KN: “Yeah, about to finish here. You want to add anything?”
SL: “You covered all the basics?”
KN: “Yeah mostly. They suck, we rock. Blah, blah, blah.”
SL: “Cool. Go ahead and finish up then.”
~With Stefan standing next to Kurt, the two look in the camera with their best tough looking faces. Now excuse me, * and I are going to pass out in our own blood.
*And urine…...ouchie.
Kurt Newman: “Ladies and gentlemen……you’re looking at the standard. You’re looking at the team to beat. You’re looking at two hot little biscuits. We’re two of the best wrestlers here in NJFC and we’re going to prove it as we rape each and every one of you!”
SL: “Wait…..what?!?! no rape…..we’re not going to rape anyone.”
KN: “Spoon? Can we spoon with them?”
SL: “………maybe. But that’s something for latter. NJFC, we're going to prove that we're the one percent in wrestling by just winning baby!”
KN: “We’ll see you all in the ring…….so you want to get some training in?”
SL: “Did you wipe your ass with some toilet paper after that two hour shit?”
KN: “What the hell is toilet paper?”
SL: “You seen Kurt around?”
~Without even looking up from her magazine, Alyssa addresses Stefan.
AD: “He's been in the bathroom for the past two hours. He had some Taco Bell last night and it did a real number on his stomach.”
SL: “Gross.”
*Only thing gross around here is Stefan and that attempt of a mustache.
~With the bathroom door fully closed, Stefan looks around as though he’s trying to find something.
*Yeah, probably his man card.
SL: “That was very rude. Who said that?”
~……….he can’t be talking about us can he?
*What!?! No way this fruit loop can hear us.
SL: “I like Fruit Loops, though I’m more of a Fruity Pebbles type of guy, but I am not a Fruit Loop voice that I can’t see.”
AD: “Who are you talking to?”
~Stefan places his finger to Alyssa’s lips as he looks around the room for…..us I think. I have a bad feeling about this *. Why don’t you just apologize and maybe he won’t try to hunt us down.
*Apologize for what? The guys a joke. Why if we were face to face my Me Time Hand, it would obliterate him.
~Stefan starts to walk around the gym until he stops at a door that has a plaque on it reading……. “The Narrators Roomwhatthefuck!” He’s found us! He’s found us *! We’re so screwed. How did he find us?!? We were hidden so well.
*Don’t worry, the doors locked. Only way he’s getting in is if he finds the key that’s under the welcome mat……..shit.
~Stefan has a huge smile on his face as he bends down and finds the key under the welcome mat.
*Got to find my beating stick! Where the hell is my beating stick?
~Opening the door, Stefan enters and……..oh hey! Nice to finally meet you in persNOT THE FACE Not the face! (Sounds of someone getting punched in the face.)
*Found itaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahh! (Sounds of bones cracking.) My arm shouldn’t bend like that!
KN: “Where’s Stefan at?”
~Stepping out from the bathroom, Kurt looks around for Stefan. Please! Please no more, I wasn’t even saying anything bad about you! It was all *. I actually like you SteFAAAAAAAAN! Oh my God! I think you broke my foot!
AD: “I don’t know. He went into one of the rooms over there.”
KN: “Hmmmmm, well let’s get this promo out of the way. When Stefan comes back he can put his two cents in.”
~(Coughing up blood) Alyssa is still on the chair reading her magazine and chewing away at her gum as Kurt stands next to her. With a smile on his face, Kurt begins to talk.
KN: “Hey there friendo's! Kurt Newman here of the One Percent. You know, when NJFC started this little tag team tournament, there was a few people that I thought about teaming up with to attempt to win this tournament. But there was one guy that I wanted to team up with again just because it had been years since we last teamed up. And that man was none other than Stefan Lajoie. We were so close back in the day with PW:U that we were able to finish each others…….”
(SL: Sandwiches!)
~Sentences! Its sentences you asshOLE! My bone is sticking out!
(SL: You shouldn’t have a potty mouth like that.)
KN: “…..sentences. A phone call later and I was able to get my good buddy back in the ring with me.”
*Come on you son of a bitch, I can take more than that………..what are you doing with those pliers?.......no not the teeth. NOT THE TEETH!
KN: “Now I know that there are plenty of other teams in this tournament and we can't wait to step in the ring with you. Some of you are huge in the wrestling universe……..”
(SL: Say it!)
~I’ve been a bad, bad boy! (SPANK)
(SL: Yeah you have.)
KN: “…..and others of you we have no idea where the hell that you came from. You're going to say your stuff about how great a tag team you are and that you've done this and that you've done that. We've done our homework though and we know what we're stepping into with this tournament. Hopefully you've done the same thing when it comes to Stefan and myself because if you haven't…..you're going to be on your back before you know it.”
~Suddenly Stefan walks into the scene and stands next to Kurt with a smile on his face.
KN: “Oh hey. Where you been?”
SL: “Just saying hello to some friends.”
*Fuck you asshole!
SL: “Doing a promo?”
KN: “Yeah, about to finish here. You want to add anything?”
SL: “You covered all the basics?”
KN: “Yeah mostly. They suck, we rock. Blah, blah, blah.”
SL: “Cool. Go ahead and finish up then.”
~With Stefan standing next to Kurt, the two look in the camera with their best tough looking faces. Now excuse me, * and I are going to pass out in our own blood.
*And urine…...ouchie.
Kurt Newman: “Ladies and gentlemen……you’re looking at the standard. You’re looking at the team to beat. You’re looking at two hot little biscuits. We’re two of the best wrestlers here in NJFC and we’re going to prove it as we rape each and every one of you!”
SL: “Wait…..what?!?! no rape…..we’re not going to rape anyone.”
KN: “Spoon? Can we spoon with them?”
SL: “………maybe. But that’s something for latter. NJFC, we're going to prove that we're the one percent in wrestling by just winning baby!”
KN: “We’ll see you all in the ring…….so you want to get some training in?”
SL: “Did you wipe your ass with some toilet paper after that two hour shit?”
KN: “What the hell is toilet paper?”
