Post by Kurt Newman on Feb 25, 2016 3:46:41 GMT
(Wow, it's really breezy right now. Like to the point where I can feel it around Kurt Jr., aka my penis. Then it hits me, I'm standing nude so that my tailor, Roberto, can measure me for a new pare of wrestling trunks. He says he likes to measure me in the nude so that my trunks can fit me comfortably around the penis region. Personally I think he just wants to see me in the nude because he's gay and has a thing for me. I play along because he does make some comfy trunks that don't chaff or ride up into my ass. As Roberto continues to do his thing, I begin to talk. And don't worry kids, there's a blur around Kurt Jr. Now if you'd like to see Kurt Jr. without the blur on him, please write down your credit card number and your social security number on your computer screen with a red sharpie pen so that I can charge you for your entertainment. This is not a scam and I'm not going to be sending you emails on how to make your penis larger.......
KN: "I need to take this seriously? I, Kurt Newman, need to take my match with Shelly Silver and Olivia Saint seriously ladies and gentlemen because Olivia says so. The same Olivia who's.......who's.......who's......... Wait who is she anyways?"
Roberto: "No idea, not really into the wrestling scene. I just make wrestling gear."
KN: "So I'm supposed to listen to some nobody who hasn't accomplished anything in the wrestling world. Man, this industry has changed for the worse. I got kids telling me what to do and how I should react to them. Next thing you know she'll be asking for a safe zone to feel better once I lay a beat down on her skinny ass. On a serious note though.....what should I take seriously about Miss Olivia Saint and Shelly Silver? What do they bring to the table when they step in the ring with me? Heart? Soul? A thirst to win?"
(I can't help but scoff at that notion as I look away from the camera.)
KN: "You know what I hear when Olivia stands in front of that camera and runs her red lipstick mouth and produces words? All I hear is blah, blah ,blah. Nothing more than magical pixie dust that smells like Taco Bell farts. Reality check right here girls. I got two scrawny and girls standing across the ring from me who barely know anything about wrestling and further more are more gimmick wrestlers than professional wrestlers. Hell, I've spent more time on the shitter of bingo hall wrestling arenas in the middle of nowhere Iowa than the two of you have spent in the wrestling ring trying to be wrestlers."
Roberto: "That's a long time on the toilet."
KN: "I don't like to force my poops out. I like to take my time and let it freely come out."
Roberto: "I thought it wouldn't be that tight up in the old pooper with all the hamsters you stick up there."
KN: "That only happened once and I told you that in confidential! Tailor-client confidential and all!"
Roberto: "Not a thing Kurt."
KN: "Should be.........anyways back to the promo.........ummmmm, where was I.......oh yeah, Olivia and Shelly.........Give me the Gods honest truth girls, how am I supposed to take you two seriously. Olivia barely hits the 100 pound mark and is nothing more than skin and bones. Can you even bench press your own weight? How are you supposed to lift me up or dominate me in that ring when you can't even open up a jar of pickles with those arms of yours. And hell, Shelly is around the same weight mark but her tattoos add 50 pounds to her. Who am I supposed to be looking at when I look at you two? Models or wrestlers? Gimmick wrestlers or professional wrestlers? Girls who are only doing this because hopefully they'll make the cover of Hustler or grown ass women that will give it all and then some in that ring.
So my apologies if I don't take you two seriously because Gods honest truth.......I don't take you seriously as wrestlers. So I'll continue to laugh and joke around and have a good time because I don't have a reason to not be my normal self in front of you two."
(I look back at the camera with a some what serious look as I go back to speaking.)
KN: "You want me to take you seriously? Here's some free advice from yours truly. No charge, no favors, no showing me your tits after the match. Take this industry seriously. Grow some muscles, gain some weight, come up with some new wrestling moves that everyone else isn't using, spend more time in the wrestling ring than you do in front of a mirror doing your makeup.......then and only then will I take this match and the two of you seriously.
Oh and Olivia, you actually survived...... barely..... against Xplode.....congrats. Listen, next time you see old Xie Poo, ask him to tell you the story on how I beat him within an inch of his life the last time we saw one another. Seriously doll face, if you couldn't stand five minutes in the ring with Xplode, what makes you think you can stand in the ring with me?"
Roberto: "Alright honey, I'm all done down here."
KN: "About time, you spent more time touching junior than you did measuring me."
Roberto: "Helps with the measurements Kurt, you know this."
KN: "As long as I get it by the pay per view you can do what ever."
(Suddenly I feel Roberto slapping my ass. I can't help but skip as I make my way over to get my cloths from a nearby chair.)
KN: "Bad boy. Bad, bad, boy"
End Scene
KN: "I need to take this seriously? I, Kurt Newman, need to take my match with Shelly Silver and Olivia Saint seriously ladies and gentlemen because Olivia says so. The same Olivia who's.......who's.......who's......... Wait who is she anyways?"
Roberto: "No idea, not really into the wrestling scene. I just make wrestling gear."
KN: "So I'm supposed to listen to some nobody who hasn't accomplished anything in the wrestling world. Man, this industry has changed for the worse. I got kids telling me what to do and how I should react to them. Next thing you know she'll be asking for a safe zone to feel better once I lay a beat down on her skinny ass. On a serious note though.....what should I take seriously about Miss Olivia Saint and Shelly Silver? What do they bring to the table when they step in the ring with me? Heart? Soul? A thirst to win?"
(I can't help but scoff at that notion as I look away from the camera.)
KN: "You know what I hear when Olivia stands in front of that camera and runs her red lipstick mouth and produces words? All I hear is blah, blah ,blah. Nothing more than magical pixie dust that smells like Taco Bell farts. Reality check right here girls. I got two scrawny and girls standing across the ring from me who barely know anything about wrestling and further more are more gimmick wrestlers than professional wrestlers. Hell, I've spent more time on the shitter of bingo hall wrestling arenas in the middle of nowhere Iowa than the two of you have spent in the wrestling ring trying to be wrestlers."
Roberto: "That's a long time on the toilet."
KN: "I don't like to force my poops out. I like to take my time and let it freely come out."
Roberto: "I thought it wouldn't be that tight up in the old pooper with all the hamsters you stick up there."
KN: "That only happened once and I told you that in confidential! Tailor-client confidential and all!"
Roberto: "Not a thing Kurt."
KN: "Should be.........anyways back to the promo.........ummmmm, where was I.......oh yeah, Olivia and Shelly.........Give me the Gods honest truth girls, how am I supposed to take you two seriously. Olivia barely hits the 100 pound mark and is nothing more than skin and bones. Can you even bench press your own weight? How are you supposed to lift me up or dominate me in that ring when you can't even open up a jar of pickles with those arms of yours. And hell, Shelly is around the same weight mark but her tattoos add 50 pounds to her. Who am I supposed to be looking at when I look at you two? Models or wrestlers? Gimmick wrestlers or professional wrestlers? Girls who are only doing this because hopefully they'll make the cover of Hustler or grown ass women that will give it all and then some in that ring.
So my apologies if I don't take you two seriously because Gods honest truth.......I don't take you seriously as wrestlers. So I'll continue to laugh and joke around and have a good time because I don't have a reason to not be my normal self in front of you two."
(I look back at the camera with a some what serious look as I go back to speaking.)
KN: "You want me to take you seriously? Here's some free advice from yours truly. No charge, no favors, no showing me your tits after the match. Take this industry seriously. Grow some muscles, gain some weight, come up with some new wrestling moves that everyone else isn't using, spend more time in the wrestling ring than you do in front of a mirror doing your makeup.......then and only then will I take this match and the two of you seriously.
Oh and Olivia, you actually survived...... barely..... against Xplode.....congrats. Listen, next time you see old Xie Poo, ask him to tell you the story on how I beat him within an inch of his life the last time we saw one another. Seriously doll face, if you couldn't stand five minutes in the ring with Xplode, what makes you think you can stand in the ring with me?"
Roberto: "Alright honey, I'm all done down here."
KN: "About time, you spent more time touching junior than you did measuring me."
Roberto: "Helps with the measurements Kurt, you know this."
KN: "As long as I get it by the pay per view you can do what ever."
(Suddenly I feel Roberto slapping my ass. I can't help but skip as I make my way over to get my cloths from a nearby chair.)
KN: "Bad boy. Bad, bad, boy"
End Scene